Won’t you?
24 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
While wallowing in my sorrow at being hurt and neglected… I was asking questions like, won’t you understand? Won’t you spend time with me?
Then suddenly, just suddenly, the verse “won’t you stay awake?” Jesus telling his disciples when he was praying at the garden of Gethsamne.
Then it occurred to me… My situation isn’t even like Jesus’. I am not going to die painfully on the cross. I wasn’t betrayed… Jesus went through all this for us! He understands how I feel.
To whoever… that said, I didn’t ask you to do that for me…
Just think… If we were to say that to Jesus, and tell Him, “I didn’t ask you to die on the cross for me”. What would Jesus say?
I think, admist His pain and hurt at that question, He would say, “I did it out of love”
Love
08 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: Love
I remembered what a sister prophesized to me… She said:” Learn to love those that are hard to love… those that are not lovable.”
Today… I thought… Lord, give me more Love!!!
I was listening to Heidi Baker on two videos:
1) Radical Love on Radical Obedience
2) The simplicity of love
THen I realised… she really loves God… it’s all over the video, though some parts are really weird (no thanks to my critical mind).
But she’s really a person so filled and full of love. It’s so amazing.
Without God it’s not possible.
She asked God to give her more love.
Me too.. I need to have more love from God, to love others.
Our Future is in Our Hands
01 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: random
Recently… I have been thinking a lot.
I am down… and tired… and lonely…
Then as the longing increases in the wee hours of the night… I realised… I wanted to blame somebody.
I wanted to blame my mom, for her problems… I wanted to blame the prophetic… for screwing my life… I wanted to blame anybody…
Then I realised… what’s the point of blaming…
I should on the other hand… work with the things I have on my hand… and then look towards a brighter future… I should create my future.. instead of dwelling on things that cannot be changed anymore.
The hurts… the unhappiness… the wrongdoings… it’s all in the past now.
Perhaps.. I am tired.. because I am tired of being unloved… so what? so what now? perhaps I can slowly find my heart back again.
Yesterday, a leader said, she is resigning. Everybody hugged her, except me. I stayed at the back… then she went to do some stuff. Before she left, I found in myself… that I want to hug her. So when I hug her, she said, “just now haven’t prepare yourself arh”.
Then I realised, ya… maybe my heart has disappeared somewhere that it took a while before I realised that I wanted to hug her. Maybe my heart really needs some preparation like some engine requiring kickstarting. Perhaps this is the time now, to think through what I really want… and where my heart has gone.
Learn to know that I am loved. That’s important… and stops people from turning into an insecure plastic.
I am loved.
Weird dream
30 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: Dream
Dear Dream diary,
I had another weird dream again. I dreamt somebody wanted to hold my hands. It’s a taboo to hold his hand because he is married.
In the dream, I flung his hand away and said something to the meaning of what are you doing?!?!?!?
Then the person kept his hands to himself.
This is the second time I had this dream. But this time, in the later part of the dream, I went to hold his arm (grab the part near the shoulder) because I wanted to test something in the dream.
In the dream, when I grab the arm/shoulder area, I felt nothing but the certainty or surety that I was not to be confused by what he was doing.
———————–
Dear diary,
Do you think it’s time for me to change an area of my life?
Orchids and toilets
25 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: Dream
A while back, this happened:
Boss: When is the toilet going to get ready?
Me: Eh… Not so soon
Boss: Okay, in the weekend, I’ll get the things and do it myself
Me: Eh… ok
———————-
That weekend, I had a dream. I dreamt that my boss got lots of plants (orchids) for the toilet. It was beautiful and he was very happy, indicating to the delivery people. I was inside the toilet and looked around and saw a wall that seemed weird (it had a fire plan/poster hanging lookly out of place and forlorn in the toilet)
——————————-
This incident… perhaps was forgotten by my boss cause he did not get anything for the toilet and I went about my own means to get the toilet done up and beautified.
In the process, I got the contact for this hydroculture manager/provider. And we managed to rent a plant to place it in the toilet. Boss got to know the contact and today, met with the person… and the person promised orchids to decorate another area!
Was quite surprised. Not sure if things really will turn out the way we plan… but let’s see how.
All things are so amazing and interesting.
Serving God
21 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: Thankful
Recently, I was asking God… “is it because there is no one else around… that’s why You would choose me?”
Then as I thought about what I said and felt that it wasn’t that right to say or think that, I was reminded of a prayer I made Long Long time ago.
“Lord, I want to be a part of your plans. It doesn’t matter if I am not your plan A or plan B… I don’t mind being your plan Z. I just want to be a part of Your Plans.”
It is by His grace that I am a part of His plans for His works that are for His glory. All glory belong to Him.
Do not think that we are to be high and mighty or proud just because we are leaders or worship leaders or keyboardist or etc. All these are for His glory. Only for His glory.
Thank you Lord.
Chance Encounter
20 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: Thankful
Recently, I met someone by coincidence while walking to church. Taken by surprise, I was so overwhelmed with happiness and joy. I practically was jumping around.
Then I thanked God for the chance encounter. Later at night… I got unhappy with that same person.
Now when I think about it, I realised:
Let us (me) not take God’s blessings for granted and be thankful, not resentful, not unappreciative and not to forget so quickly the gifts He has given us.
Thank you Lord.
Amazing Grace
16 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: Song, Thankful
Recently, I had this Rest-In-God day with my friend. We decided to spend time resting in God’s presence.
I felt very blessed… that day… because he shared this video with me.
Indeed, Amazing grace… His grace is sufficient for us.
I felt very touched at the front part. I cried… actually I went to watch it again after writing this post and I cried again. Who knows what grace is, except you on whom grace was showered upon?
It’s a lovely video. Enjoy!
songs link!
13 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: random
It amazes me… when I get to see God guiding us even when choosing songs.
Each one had to choose one song… and when placed together, they fit and links! hahaha… God is so good 
